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House Caretaker Contract
Why I Avoid Anyone Who Owns a Schnitzel Dog
There are many liberate online maid games, one that is currently the rage has a lash chasing a Chihuahua. People playing the disabled can be the whip or they can be the dog. There's besides a phone rendition of the defective that women often artifice while their young pitch knives at each additional in the supplementary room, or while they catastrophe through discontinue symbols without even slowing.
That lame got me mental about one of the major private peeves in life: schnitzel dogs.
Everyone has a few warning code in people.
Something that, if they see a partner do, or if they see a person with that attribute, makes them instinctively chary and decide that the comrade isn't all there or isn't wired right.
For me it's schnitzel dogs.
By that, I mean dogs shaped like a schnitzel.
I was in DC, living with four marines.
Let's fair gibber no one picked a fight with us when we went to the bar. Now you would surmise that a band of marines would keep a cavity bull, or German Shepherd, or Great Dane, or some dog with a least a smidgeon of mildewed ass in it.
The fellow that owned the house had two dachshunds.
I was housesitting for a few days while they camped, and couldn't go govern I had to work. The two dachshunds were in heat, the female's vagina had swollen to the iota where it looked like a ripe strawberry.
The masculine chaser her around the abode for hours on end, but she wouldn't consign it up. I would own held her down for him if it would have shut him up.
From that moment on, I hated schnitzel dogs.
A few weeks, later, I came home early, and caught the innkeeper of the dwelling and the dachshunds watching footage.
It was of an AC-130 Spectre flying gunship killing Iraqi civilians.
He was beating off to it.
Over the years, I met many more relatives who owned tiny dogs, but never someone normal.
You always see their owners bear schnitzel dogs into public places, as if they are some benign of safeguard overlay or something. They'll put close on the mutts, workman knit sweaters, ribbons in their hair, even tacky little hats.
They'll talk to them, even bear the dog in their arms like a baby.
Couldn't the object survive in the car for a few minutes? Sure it could.
Whether the whacked in the master neurotic dog landlord could is a separate question.
The bark of a schnitzel dog is like fingers being scraped down a blackboard.
They bark incessantly, and often stutter like atoms while doing so. One is reminded of royalty that inbred too much.
Even if I meet someone who I assume is cool, when I see they have a schnitzel dog, I run.
No debate how sane she seems, if she has a schnitzel dog, she's a psycho. Bank on it.
These days when I see someone frittering away hours on one of those liberate online miss games in which the lash tries to danger the Chihuahua, I always believe of schnitzel dogs.
If I was Bill Gates, I'd contract Adam Viniateri to be my companion schnitzel neutralizer. To just run up to any schnitzel I saw, and punt it so laborious it would hindmost up in low lair orbit.